I have an appointment with my psych in 20 minutes. I’m waiting outside in my car. I’m nervous. I stopped taking medicine the last two months and have been using cbd as needed for sleep and anxiety. I feel natural but not jittery. I can’t imagine taking pills regularly again except when mandatory. I’m afraid. Afraid to be dropped. Psychiatrists have to watch their own backs and as much as they are there for you, if you don’t follow directions they won’t see you. I have been on meds for 10 years straight. I am in a good situation with my life and work and home and don’t find it to be necessary. I know I am responsible and know when I need medication but now isn’t the time for that. Now is the time for learning to ride my own waves and be true to what my body is telling me. I’m sick of choosing between physical and mental health. I’m sick of being reliant on medication to solve my moods and not relying on my inner care. I know this is unpopular opinion 101 with mental health. I also know it is true for me. I refuse to feel shame for it. I know it will always be harder for me than others to contain my emotions but sometimes you need to feel them. Life is about experiencing it not numbing it down because it’s too much for others when it’s not too much for me. When it does become too much for me I’ll reconsider. I have no problem with those who swear by their medication as it has helped me in the passed and saved my life or those who do not wish to take it and only hope for the same in return. Wish me luck.